How Do I Know When I'm Ready for EMDR? Understanding Dissociation and Trauma Processing

Shae Moreau (they/them), LAC, at our recent Neuroaffirming Care Training.

If you've ever felt like therapy made things worse instead of better, you're not alone, and you're not broken. It's a story Brazen Therapy clinician Shae Moreau, LAC hears from new clients: "Somebody else told me they were trauma informed and then they only made me feel worse." More often than not, Shae explains, the missing piece was dissociation, something that wasn't recognized or addressed before trauma processing began.

Dissociation Is More Common Than You Think

Shae specializes in neurodivergence (ADHD & autism) and trauma, and dissociation is a common experience amongst their clients. Their insight into this work comes from lived experience and one analogy Shae uses often: “think of yourself as a family unit living in a house. Just as a family includes parents, kids, and extended relatives who are all still one family, a person can hold multiple internal parts and still be one whole self. For some, that family unit works cohesively. For others, especially those with more complex trauma histories, the family members in that family stop communicating with each other, staying in separate "rooms," which is where more intensive parts work comes in.”

Their insight into this work comes from lived experience: Shae is neurodivergent and has their own dissociative disorder, which they say helps them connect deeply with clients who often feel isolated in their experience. People with dissociative disorders, Shae notes, “frequently don't fit the more familiar picture of PTSD, and many land somewhere on the OSDD (Other Specified Dissociative Disorder) spectrum rather than full DID.” Clients often arrive already sensing something is different. Many have taken the DES-II (Dissociative Experiences Scale) on their own before ever booking a consultation, or they've spent years without the vocabulary to describe what's happening internally. As Shae explains it, “Once someone learns the term ‘dissociation’, then it's like, oh, learn a little bit more, and things start to click.”

Why EMDR Can Backfire Without the Right Groundwork

One of the most important points Shae makes is that EMDR has become something of a buzzword, treated as a fix-all rather than one tool among many. Shae has seen it suggested to clients in crisis, people without stable housing or basic safety, and questions how that became standard practice. The research EMDR was built on didn't account for every population or circumstance, and when clinicians apply it too broadly, without screening for dissociation first, clients can end up destabilized rather than healed. Shae’s rule of thumb: “EMDR works when a client's internal "parts" are ready and simply feel stuck. If parts are actively blocking the process, the priority has to shift to building a relationship with those parts first through parts work, often drawing from Internal Family Systems, before introducing bilateral stimulation. Trying to force EMDR through that resistance just creates more blocking.

”The "Gas and Brakes" Principle

Shae offers a simple but relevant explanation for why EMDR should always happen with a trained clinician present, never alone: “As the therapist, I am the gas and the brakes... you can't be your own gas and brakes when you're in the middle of processing trauma." A skilled therapist can recognize when a client is becoming activated, often before the client notices it themselves through non-verbal observation and client attunement, and can slow the process down or pump the brakes in real time. Self-guided bilateral stimulation, something Shae actively warns clients against, removes that safety mechanism entirely.

Signs You Might Be Ready for EMDR Processing

Based on Shae’s approach, a few markers tend to signal readiness for trauma processing work like EMDR:

• You understand the "why" behind your coping tools. Shae doesn't just hand clients a list of coping skills; they explain the nervous system mechanics behind it (why long exhales activate the parasympathetic system, for example) so clients can adapt the tool to fit their own needs.

• You can tell the difference between suppression and containment. A common fear is that "not going there right now" means avoiding feelings forever or suppression. Shae distinguishes true avoidance (throwing everything away, never to be dealt with) from containment: a deliberate, temporary "not right now" that still allows the material back in when the time is right. This can be seen in a common EMDR resource tool called “container”.

• Your different internal parts have some basic communication. Not every part needs to agree, but if attempting trauma work triggers constant internal conflict or shutdown, that's usually a sign more groundwork is needed first.

• You've done some psychoeducation and anchoring grounding work. Clients who understand concepts like time orientation (recognizing "it's 2026, I'm safe now" versus being emotionally transported back to the moment of the original trauma) tend to get more out of reprocessing work.

  
  

 A Different Way of Explaining "Parts"

For clients who are new to the idea of internal parts, Shae avoids leading with clinical language. Instead, Shae introduces the concept gradually, first noticing aloud that "there's a part of you that's feeling this way," and gauging how the client responds. One analogy Shae uses often: “think of yourself as a family unit. Just as a family includes parents, kids, and extended relatives who are all still one family, a person can hold multiple internal parts and still be one whole self. For some, that family unit works cohesively. For others, especially those with more complex trauma histories, the "rooms" in that family stop communicating with each other, which is where more intensive parts work comes in.”

The Bottom Line

Readiness for EMDR isn't about willpower or how badly you want to move past your trauma. It's about whether the internal system, all the parts of you, has enough safety, understanding, and communication in place to handle the work without becoming overwhelmed. If you've tried trauma processing before and it didn't help, or made things harder, that doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It may just mean the groundwork wasn't there yet. If this resonates, and especially if you've ever thought "this person gets me" while reading something like this, that recognition matters. It's often the first sign you've found the right kind of support. Interested in working with a therapist who understands dissociation from both a clinical and lived-experience perspective? Reach out to Shae Moreau, LAC for a consultation here.